TRANSMISSION 44

The Last Being

TRANSMISSION RECEIVED

“In the blink of existence, our starts find our ends. In the eternity of a moment, we experience ourselves in the totality of presence. In the immersion of our mind’s cinema, we are never observers of full truth. In the ripples our actions cast out, we are only ever actuators of full truth.”

We knew such a day would come, but knowing it was coming didn’t make it any easier. In fact, the anticipation could sometimes make it worse. There was a definitive moment when I became the last person alive (in my observable universe). There is no satisfaction to be had in being last; I am not any kind of “chosen one” destined for this role. I just happened to fill it. And even in the role itself, there was nothing special about it other than the arbitrary meanings we liked to place on these types of things.

The humans who remained in Laniakea were destined to have died by now. I didn’t want to acknowledge it, but it has leaked out through my verbiage anyway. Before leaving to Shapley, I intimately knew their philosophies and motivations. After leaving, I knew their mental states through their messages to us. To be transparent, their trajectories were much bleaker than ours. So while I would love to hope there are humans alive in the Laniakea sector, my overwhelming conclusion is that they have all died out just the same as everyone from my group (but at an accelerated rate). And my only conclusion for why I am still alive is that I must masochistically enjoy the torment of enduring against time.

I don’t remember too many events very vividly, but becoming the final being has manifested as a more permanent sear in my memories. In the previous galaxy where we set up shop, we had come to the full understanding that existence within the universe was slowly losing its battle to entropy. That was something we had actually known for quite a long time. The new knowledge was that there didn’t seem to be anything we could do about it or do with ourselves to keep our endless summer going. The evidence pointed toward the fact that we had a good run, but also that it was time to close down the shop and face the music.

The presence of life in the universe had already become so exhausted that it had been just us two final beings for nearly 50 billion years. All the others perished in body or in mind, often in both equally. While we understood that our fate was inevitable, the two of us also uncovered the potential of finding crucial information to improving our chance of physical survival (if only we could find a way to go through with a bold experiment we had set up). The only issue with the experiment was that it would necessarily destroy the experiment operator; there was no way around it. It wasn’t an issue of being too complex to automate; no, the experiment necessitated a self-aware subject. We deliberated for a long time whether we thought the information gleaned from such an experiment would improve our chances of physical survival to the extent that it would outweigh the decreased chances of mental survival once the experiment had gone through and there was only one of us left. We also debated whether it was worth it to create a new life to replace the dying one, but we reached the same conclusion we always reached: that it was unfair to bring a being into a mission so far down the line, a mission we knew they would abandon in their search for their own meanings, the result of which could only be a quick flameout in this increasingly inhospitable universe.

We didn’t know how to pick who would get to do the experiment and who would be exiled to live on; random selection didn’t feel quite right. But we ended up not having to make the decision, because one of us made the decision unilaterally. I rounded the planet to see my last friend manning the experiment chamber, launching off into the distance. Either they did not listen to my pleas or they had cut their personal communication feed, for they would not heed my cries to abort the mission.

With no way to stop it, I realized I was not the strong one that day; I could have made the same decision, but I did not. I lingered in disbelief that Bunny was out the window: frustrated that I hadn’t figured out a better way, in survivor’s guilt that I was not the one to go this time, inconsolable that I did not get to choose my fate at this juncture. I could never blame myself for any specific outcome (to do so would not do justice to our journey), but I did wish things could have turned out differently.

The experiment went on: the information collected and the data analyzed. At every step, I gave my full focus to best ensure it would not be for nothing. I processed the results for a long time afterward, both out of necessity and to distract from my new reality as the sole survivor of humanity. The experiment had provided results I could work with: not exactly the results we were hoping for, but still meaningful results nonetheless. While combing through the data, I discovered a note written by the other being in the final moments of the experiment:

DARKEST PARADISE

You are absolved; you own no fault.
Pursue this story; it’s not the end.

Quick step out; I’m fading.
Don’t you lose your way with me.
All our minds are going to die
eventually.

Falling for freedom; I should know
that you were better off alone.
Falling too far now; I’ve become
all the things I was running from.

Soon we will be together,
darkness and me forever.
Soon enough we will be together.
Soon enough no more me forever.

Quick, step in; fall into my paradise.
Quick, step out; fall out of the paradigm.
Quick, step up, far into the emptiness.
All alone.
On your own.

Didn’t quite make it like we planned.
Know that I’m sorry for leaving.
I buried the old me that you knew.
I’m sorry I couldn’t be with you.

Only through their remaining words did I realize they had been staring down death for quite some time now. This had not been a momentary decision.

I’ve been alone so long now that I don’t remember much about any of the others, and I wish I did. I don’t remember what forms they preferred to take for their bodies. I don’t remember what voices they preferred to don. I don’t remember what a friend’s support felt like. I don’t remember what mutual passion felt like. I don’t remember the feeling of fighting side by side for our freedoms: freedom from Earth, freedom from Earth’s stellar system, freedom from the Milky Way, freedom from entropy’s grasp. I don’t really remember feeling anything but alone; I remember of the other concepts, but I cannot taste them; they only echo faintly across my memories.

It’s been so long since anyone else was alive that I can’t even recall a semblance of their names or backstories. My memory has been maximized for the pursuit of indefinite life; to do it any other way would have been an injustice to all their sacrifices. And though I may not remember them much, I will never forget the story we all created along the way. I’ll never forget that they have all individually meant so much to me in the crafting of this journey: their unique impacts upon our communal trajectory all played important roles in reaching this story to the lengths it has traversed. I’ll never forget the struggles and triumphs we shared in. I’ll never forget why I’m here and what it means to be here. I’ll never forget what it means to exist as a being, and I’ll never forget what it means to exist at the precipice of our dreams. This unforsaken crusade is where we shaped our unyielding minds, a home found in the actualization of ourselves. This grand adventure is where I belong to. That is unquestionably my destiny. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

THIS IS WHERE IT’S THE BEST

Goodbye, my friend.
I thought we might meet again.
I don’t know what you know
so I can’t follow.

Goodbye these dreams.
I’m glad we had time to be
all the stars of our hearts
that let loose our beings.

Quick, step in; fall into my paradise.
Quick, step out; fall out of the paradigm.
Quick, step up, far into the emptiness.
All alone.
On your own.

I am strong. I’ll move on
to where I know that I belong.
I am frail (dark and pale),
and this might be my last march in.

I am strong.
This is where I belong.
Take no rest.
This is where it’s the best.

END TRANSMISSION